nihil architecture blogs

It’s been a hell of a week being a woman for a week, and by that I mean completely uneventful with the highlight of the day the fifteen minutes in the morning try to convincingly get a feminine voice jarred in. My mother stopped taking it seriously 3 days ago and reverted back to my given name. I decided to not correct her as it was kind of awkward, I suppose a true transwoman would get offended over that, so maybe I’m not doing it completely correctly.

The one thing I learnt from all this though, is how badly men have it, having to shave every day, luckily I can go back to shaving once per month now, like women do.

In my quæst for rare items being able to help me kill off my corrupted heart, I sawr a stand, as I recall it was a chip stand. So I put up my fine feminine voice I’ve been breeding for these past two days, no one notices a darned difference or even acts like ‘Oh, did he turn insane?’, they reacted like they would if I had a cold I suppose.

This still returns us to the philosophical issue of what defines womanhood, what makes one recognise something as feminine? There are some præ-hormonal transwomen who have been able to put up quite the likeness, bringing it back to Sasha Hostyn, she doesn’t seem to wear makeup, as far as se said she’s not started HRT yet, she dresses quite similarly as I, so what does she have that I don’t hmm? Perhaps beating top rated Koreans in video games is the epitome of womanhood.

Maybe I do need the dress to pull this off. I’m but a woman on the inside, a woman, a wannabe woman, ehh—let’s make that a moman perhaps?

Well, one girl, came over for the barbecue, expert on feminosity, or so she claims, I don’t think any womanoid guilty of appreciating the fine humour of Jonti Picking is in a position to make a claim to that coveted position. She completely understands the difficult situation I am in, doesn’t stop her from laughing at me but she does her best to help me and coach me with my newfound weekly gender identity.

Be it so, her motives weren’t completely altruistic, apparently this implies feasting out her life long dream of applying makeup to my mug, I feel the rouge doesn’t quite suit my features. Apparently a girl also doesn’t burps, she said while having burped five minutes prior due to iced tea.

Furthering my point though, as usual she again managed to smuggle two articles of my wardrobe through my customs of guilt which she’ll end up wearing like it’s nothing, she might want to just bring some clothing in that oversized purse in case of rain, or you know, bring one of those 20 articles that are located some-where in the darkest crypts of under her bed back for that case, if the weather god’s are pleased with those deeds, she can even actually consider to return them. Also, my hair is longer than hers.

As expected, after the initial choices to make and the daily vocal training, life has been rather uneventful in my new gender-identity. I told my family and friends about it and the reason I’m doing it, mostly by just showing them this blog since it’d become a rather cumbersome story to repeat; a few people laughed, a few people cried, most people were silent.

I suppose it sort of was the point of this experiment to demonstrate the insignificant nature of assuming a different gender role for a week and how little extra experience it gives you. A lot of people would be telling me that I’m doing it wrongly and I’m not actually living like a woman, but what more can I do? As I said, there are women that don’t wear make-up and to just assume I’m going to have to wear make-up and pink skirts or what not because I’m living my life as a woman for a week is nothing but an insult and making stereotypes of women.

Modern day western society is simply open-minded enough that even though there are correlations between the behaviour of men and women, these are far from absolute, and women do exist which basically behave completely the same as some man could do, except for the fact that their voice is different, and they are physically different; physical stuff I apparently do not have the right to control until that real life experience period anyhow. There are transgendered tomboys you know, a prominent example is this female progamer Sasha Hostyn, she’s a tomboy, she’s a progamer, look at her, she dresses like most other progamers do, she doesn’t wear skirts, doesn’t seem to wear makeup. So she’s got long hair, so do several other male progamers, so do I. And I’m pretty sure there are transwomen with short hair as well.

I’m just not sure what difference it makes that I’m living my life as a woman for a weak except my morning vocal training, except that some people find it very amusing to mock me with it.

I woke up today with my newfound assumed identity, tried to shave again but realized that testosterone in general was never too much on my side and it wasn’t needed to head towards the mirror, practise a more feminine smile and then contemplate the issue of makeup, to wear or not to wear?

While makeup has been traditionally associated with women in western culture, assuming that I was born in a female body, I doubt I would actually use it all that much, I’m not the person to especially groom myself a lot, or to get outside for it to make a difference. Furthermore, I know a lot of women who do not wear makeup, and I even know some guys who do. Surely to make makeup a part of my new gender identity perhaps is a bit patronizing and stereotypical to women, is it not?

However, it might be exactly what a practitioner would so very much require of me in that time of real life experience, I’m actually not completely sure if I should do it, for the moment though, I’ll keep working on the voice, since it’s actually pretty hard and I doubt I’ll even get close in a week.

I’ve since tried to some-what bring my intonation to a bit more feminine slide, since I usually have a pretty breathy voice (especially when I just wake up.) I suppose it’s a bit easier for me to manage since that’s where those voices tend to go to. Reading up on it though it seems that that’s a thing you should avoid and you should focus mostly on the intonation. Apparently the fastest therapies take more than 3 months to successfully complete, so I have a very long road ahead of me here it seems…

It’s actually ridiculously hard, I just spent an hour or so on the phone with a female friend who against her wishes was slyly manipulated into helping me out with my new found feminine powers of making people feel very guilty. I’m very good at imitating people’s voices, even of the opposite sex and copying their intonation, but getting my own feminine intonation is pretty darn complicated.

It’s actually very tempting to give up here, but I won’t, I will hold strong to prove the ridiculousness of it as well as gain a perspective on how hard it is to try to pass as a member of the opposite sex. Where others have fallen, I shall stand defiant.

For those who don’t know, typically undergoing sex-reassignment therapy, surgery or hormonal, in most countries requires meeting pretty strict criteria, honestly, independent of whatever stress it might cause for people to be born in the wrong body, I feel people have the right to change and modify their body in whatever way they want, chopping of your own arm? Well, it´s your body, not mine, you can’t have mine, but if you want to surgically let your arm be detached, your party. That transgendered people have been known to suffer great psychological trauma from having a body that does not conform to their identity makes it even more stringent. (Note that I also think that transgendered people are silly, just as I think that people with a gender identity at all are silly, gender identities are silly and probably a product of society placing a lot of emphasis on things that are very much irrelevant.

Part of the silly criteria to take in hormones is to have lived your life for a certain amount of time as the opposite sex, getting accustomed to your “new identity”. Okay? So what the fuck does that even mean? Do I have to wear a dress? I know women who dress pretty identically to how I dress, do I have to grow my hair long? I already got that. Do I have to wear makeup? Well, that’s getting a bit patronizing isn’t it?

However, to demonstrate the absurdity of this, I am going to live my life as a woman for a week, maybe more if I like it. This will involve telling everyone to swap pronouns and act a bit more like a woman, I act pretty indifferent to gender roles in general so it shouldn’t be too hard, am probably going to have to change my intonation up a bit though. Since my name is clearly masculine, I’d have to ask people to call me something else.

We’ve ventured into the unknown territories of being a woman, this has started by assuming the name Kim, going to the hassle of explaining a lot of weird shit to a lot of people, and actually getting down to shaving. Kind of ironic, since men tend to be the people shaving their facial hair. Makeup is for bimbos for the time being.