Drugs
When I was twelve years old. Some thing happened that changed the course of my life. I began experimenting with drugs. I was never truly aware of their destructive nature. I wasn’t truly aware of what they did, some people told me to use them and I did, foolishly not questioning what their intentions were. I was given when I was twelve a psychotropic drug, a drug whose true functions were at that time, and are at this time not yet understood. No one knows how it works precisely, what is known is that some of the effects on it are in the eyes of psychiatry ‘benificial’, I indeed became less suspicious of people’s motives; together with my general awareness. I slept more, became drowsy all day long, I lost some degree of control of my muscles.
The drug I was given to, and told to to take was respiridone, an atypical antipsychotic medication. A drug that alters the functioning of the human central nervous system, a drug that plays with the delicate balance of dopamine in one’s brain; what dopamine does exactly is il-understood, however what is known is that it’s one of the most significant neurotransmiters to one’s functioning. It’s not just playing with matches, it’s giving a twelve year old child matches and telling him to play with it.
I was never informed of the true nature of this drug, and here I am, about a decade later. I’ve quit it for some years but the side effects are still there, of some side effects I don’t know if the drug caused them. I have tardive dyskenisa, apparently the standard cause of action is to stop or reduce the dosage if one experiences a tinkling feeling in one’s appendages. I was never informed of that, I had involuntary movements in my class room which amused my fellow students there, my teacher was never informed to look out for those. I had now idea what they were, I can’t squeeze a lump of clay now, or open any bottle. I’ve lost the ability to adapt to a regular day-and-night rhythm unless I take sleeping pills but then I never feel rested, it’s as if I didn’t really sleep. I just get tired on random chaotic moments, some times twice a day, some times once in three days. there’s no pattern in how long I sleep and how long I’m awake. Needless to say it’s hard for me now to ever get a job, if I make an appointment I know there’s a chance I can’t make it because I have to sleep at that point. I also stay conscious while I sleep, I don’t know if it’s caused by the pills or that I had it before, as I remember always waking up as a child if my mother got home as I heard her footsteps outside. But I recall every thing that happened as I ’slept’ when I wake up, conversations I had, any thing, things other people said in another room. Great to sleep through lectures though. But it’s more like just lying down with my eyes closed than truly sleeping.
Well, one can say that it happens, drugs have their side-effects? But it was never my choice to make, in fact, I wasn’t even told of said side effects, in fact, I was twelve. Seriously, people complaining about things like video games and that they watch violent films, read not enoug books, spend too much time on the internet when it’s acceptable to pump a psychotropic drug into their central nervous system whose functioning is hardly understood? I fail to see any reason why this isn’t quite simply child abuse. Especially to make me less suspicous of others? Sounds like a nice Orwellian reality here… the state authorizes people to make them less suspicous, the suspicions to that the order of conformation isn’t perfect must be suppressed of course, thoughtcrime? Or Ritalin, that’s actually simply a milder form of cocaine, it can treat cocain addictions, and Ritalin addictions again can be relieved via cocaine. That’s just given to children in fact. Ritalin hower is pretty much the inverse of Risperidone, both in function and effect. One becomes more observant of their surroundings, one’s speed of thought increases, and if one’s a psychosis-risk it’s best to refrain from it, Risperidone is to treat a psychosis. But how many children are just loaded with Ritalin simply because behaviourily it seems to pay of, with no one caring to exactly how it works and what it damages in the process; the parents being uninformed that it’s just mild cocaine, and certainly the people who get the shit into their system? ‘Say “no” to drugs kids…’ the hypocrisy of it all.
And then people might say ‘the pros outweigh the cons’, the pros to whom? Yeah.. it’s nice as a parent if your child is just suspicious and you cannot have that perfect model child because it questions the motives of visitors, because your child doesn’t go swimming pools or goes with peers to the cinema, what you so want your child to do. You can make yourself believe you want a normal life for your child, but you really just want a normal child, so that the neighbours don’t look strange at you and question your ability to raise it. And for them to stop thinking it, parents simply are praepared to raise them like crap. How many parents ask their chidren when they give them those drugs ‘These drugs are going to change you in these ways, is that what you want? It’s your call.’, it’s not to help the child, it’s for the parents. And indeed, children never asked to be born, disgusting to see that parents happily mentally injure their children just so that the neighbours won’t frown, so that they can have a little child that fits in… seriously… stop deluding yourself that you do it for your child, then you’d stop the moment the child says it doesn’t want to.
